Eat Your Vegetables
by Rime
Summary: Really OOC Characters, STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING, Fan Fiction about Possesed Carrots. I hate summaries. R/R Please!!!
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter.* Kicks the ground*   
Ok, so this fan fic.....is.........just weird.  
  
Review Review Review! It's my first fan fic aswell.  
Eat Your Vegetables  
Harry was in the Great Hall one evening, and he had carrots for dinner.  
  
  
"Fucking Hell, I hate carrots"   
  
  
"I fucking well agree with you 'Arry," said Ron, Harry's best friend.  
  
  
"Honestly you two, I think you should really eat them. They're brain food," said Hermione, Harry's other best friend  
  
  
"Fucking God Hermione, is that all you think about?" asked Ron.   
  
Harry looked down and thought he saw a carrot move from his plate  
"AHHHHHHHH!! BLOODY FUCK!" yelled Harry in surprise.  
  
  
"What the fuck is it?????" asked Ron.  
  
  
"My fucking carrot moved!!" yelled Harry.  
  
  
"What the fuck Harry, carrots don't move.....are you fucking insane???" said Ron.  
  
  
"Mine fucking do." said Harry.  
Ron walks over to Dumbledore. He taps his shoulder.  
  
  
"Dumbledore! Harry's carrots are fucking possesed!" yelled Ron  
"Dear fucking god! I thought my viagra was the only thing possesed!" said Dumbledore  
Everyone in the Great Hall turn to Dumbledore and all the guys start laughing.   
  
  
"What the fuck are you all laughing at? Gotta bring my best game!" said Dumbledore  
Ron shakes his head and goes back over to the Gryffindor Table.  
  
  
"Fuck, he was no help, talking bout his Viagra talking while he's shagging Mcgonagall."  
"Don't too fucking loud, the fucking retards will hear us." whispered a carrot.  
  
  
"Fucking Bitch, I was gonna shag that Cabbage!" said another carrot to a Tomatoe.  
"Fuck you. I paid more." said the Tomatoe  
Harry looks down, and sees them all talking.  
"You fuckers, stop talking, you......can't........."  
"Shut the fuck up Harry, you use Her Pleasure Trojan Condoms when you fuck Draco. " said a very annoyed carrot.  
"Well......Draco has sensitive needs......" said Harry embarrased.  
  
  
The great hall burst out in laughter once again. Ron looked Horrified at the thought of Harry and Draco shagging.  
"Harry you fucker!! I'm the only one that can fuck Draccykins!" yelled Ron.  
"Shut the fuck up Ron, I only fucked a picture of him you fucker!" Harry yelled back.  
Draco, very angry, walks over to the Gryffindor table.  
"You fuckers, I didn't fuck either of you, Me Crabbe and Goyle fucked." said an annoyed Draco.  
  
  
The Great Hall is beginning to get very scared at this point. People are running madly out to hide under their beds....or to use the bathroom.......or to masturbate.........but it's not important anyway.  
  
  
"Malfoy!!!! It was ME and Crabbe and Goyle that you fucked!!! You Fucker!!! you can't even remember who you fucked!" said Hermione, who was very angry.  
"Sorry, I fucked Pansy that night aswell. I had 30 whole Orgasms!" said Draco, pleased with himself.  
Everyone jumped on Draco, meaning to kill him, but after they got his shirt off they all decided to fuck.(....What a sad world we live in eh folks?)  
A lot of moaning and Coming and Fucking and stuff and then everyone gets back up as if nothing as hpapened.  
"So about the fucking mental carrots..." said Draco, still combing his hair.  
"What about the fucking mental carrots?" asked Hermione, putting her shirt back on.  
"Should we fucking eat them or just fuck them senseless?" asked Draco.  
"What the fuck Draco, we're not gonna fuck Carrots you fucker." Harry said, and rolled his eyes.  
The people that were left in the Great Hall quickly left. Horror. Puuure Horror.  
Neville gets off the table. "Ohhhh, we're NOT fucking the fucking carrots.......OK."  
  
  
"Fucking moronic fucking idiot you are Neville" said Ron.  
  
  
"Fuck off, I saw you fucking that Saxophone." yelled Neville.  
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW I DID THAT?" yelled Ron.  
Everyone in the school has now jumped in the lake......*Coughs from the readers.....*  
"I think we should kill the mother fucker carrots." said Hermione.  
"I fucking agree. They should fucking die." said Draco.  
So everyone jumps on the table and kills the carrots. Which is followed by another round of group sex. orgasms for everyone!.  
  
  
So that was.....something from the bottom of my sick twisted mind. I hoped "some" of you liked it. Please Review!!!!!!! Please? 


	2. AUTHOR'S NOTE

OMG Everyone, I'm sorry about the no spacing between the Lines. Something messed up. I'll try and fix it for the next chapter.... 


	3. Enter The Hamster

Eat Your Vegetables.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This computer isn't even mine god damnit.  
Orgasms for everyone!  
After everyone's done fucking......including Severus and the plant........Their attention is drawn to a small hamster.  
"What the fuck? The fucking hamster has fucking red eyes! fucking hell!" exclaimed Ron.  
"What the fuck? It's a fucking hamster.....how the fuck did that get here???" said Harry.  
Neville instantly starts fucking the hamster. (Poor Hamster)   
  
  
  
"What the fuck neville? Don't fucking fuck the fucking hamster with the fucking red eyes. Fucking asshole/" Harry said, annoyed.  
"OH, OH , OH, YEAH HAMMY, OH, YOU'RE SO GOOD, FUCKING HELL, OH, OH," yelled Neville in delight.  
*All the readers turn away in disgust, except for the horny perverted ones, who take pictures*  
  
"Fucking ewwwww Neville, You bloody fucker, you're hurting the fucking hamster" said Ron, pulling Neville off  
"But he was so fucking good!" exclaimed the Hamster.  
Neville quickly slips the hamster 5 galleons. *The readers shiver.*  
The bi-sexual hamster moves over to Hermione.  
"So, how the fuck are you doing baby?" said the hamster, giving her a wink.  
"I'm fucking fine, how the fuck are you?" she said back.  
"Doing pretty fuckin fine, and you're pretty fuckin fine aswell" said the hamster seductively  
"Eww, like I'd ever fuck you, you fucking hamster." said Hermione in disgust.  
The hamster gets mad and rapes Hermione. *All the readers puke at this point.*  
"NO!! SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME! AHHHH FUCK!" screams Hermione.  
Everyone goes over and Kills the hamster.....which, as you might have guessed, triggers more group sex.  
"OH, OH , OH ,FUCK, DUMBLEDORE, OH, THATS THE SPOT!!! yelled someone.  
"GIVE IT TO ME SOCK BOY OH, FUCK, YEAH, FUCK ME, OH" said a shoe.  
*At this point, the readers commit suicide and the characters stop fucking each other.*  
  
  
Everyone gets dressed again and sits up. Then.....  
"FUCK, I FUCKING SAT ON A FUCKING VIBRATOR! FUUUUUUUCK! yelled Ron.  
The vibrator smiles. "I know you liked it baby."   
"Fuck, well......FUCK YEAH I DID!!!" said Ron.  
*The readers are in heaven happily NOT reading this*  
"You fucker Ron, you shouldn't enjoy my vibrator!" said Hermione.  
Everyone stares at her.  
"Well....I gotta pleasure myself.......Ron gets so fucking boring after a fucking while."  
  
  
Ron looks at her. He's very angry at this point.  
  
  
"Fuck you Hermione. You fucking suck......my equiptment......and you're not very fucking good at it either."  
  
  
Hermione gasps. "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! YOU FUCKING LOVE MY FUCKING BLOW JOBS YOU FUCKER!!!!"  
"No I fucking don't. You're fucking lazy at it." said Ron  
  
  
Hermione slaps him "Fuck you."  
Which brings on some group sex. As you might of guessed.   
So, thats...."it" for this chappie.....see ya next time guys, and R/R 


	4. Squirrels and George

Eat Your Vegetables.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Fuck you.  
After a nice long session of group sex, everyone was talking again. How nice. *Shakes his head*  
  
"Fucking hell, what the fuck, Dumbledore's glasses are molesting Filch's fucking cat!" said Harry.  
"Who gives a fuck?" said Ron.  
"Shouldn't we fucking help the poor cat?" asked Harry.  
"FUCK No." yelled everyone.   
  
Neville goes over and the glasses and the cat and him have group sex. *Shame on me*  
"I shoved my tits in fucking milk jugs!" said Hermione.  
  
"...." - everyone else.  
"What? I fucking gotta keep them fucking excited, I've had group sex like a bazillion times today!"   
Which of course triggers another session of sex. *No christina, I'm not adding it in.*  
Fucking hell, I can't make it funny anymore! I'm LOST god fucking damnit.  
  
A hippie squirrel, high on weed, walks in. *OH YEAH, GOT IT BACK!*  
"How ya fuckin doing, you sexy thing?" the squirrel asks Lance Bass, who just *appeared* there.  
"I'm doing fine, you mother fucking squirrel. How are you're fucking nuts?" said Lance.  
"I just fucking waxed 'em yesterday mate." said the squirrel and he grinned.  
Which, triggers more group sex.  
"OH SQUIRRELY! GO RIGHT THE FUCK UP THAT FUCKING HOLE!" yelled Snape.  
And so that session ends.  
George Bush walks in.  
"I'm a hoe!" he says.  
Which triggers alot more group sex and stuff.   
That was that chappie, Please R/R ^^ 


	5. Jerry, Jerry,Jerry!

Eat your vegetables  
After that group sex round, George Bush leaves singing the blowjob song *Blink 182...*   
"Oh fuck.....its Al Gore.....fuck...." said Ron.  
"I invented fucking." said Al.  
  
  
"Fuck you Al." said Harry  
  
  
Chris and Joey from Nsync walk in.  
  
  
"What the fuck? Why the fuck are all these fucking Nsync people here......" said Hermione.  
"Oh Lancey baby, I want you so fuckin bad!" said Chris.  
"No, Fuck, Don't listen to him, I give you the best sex Lancey!" said Joey  
  
  
Jerry Springer walks in.   
  
  
"JERRY FUCKIN JERRY FUCKIN JERRY FUCKIN JERRY FUCKIN JERRY FUCKIN JERRY FUCKIN JERRY" says the audience.  
  
"Fuckin thanks folks. Today on this fuckin show we have Chris and Joey from fuckin Nsync fightin' over fuckin Lance, who can't fuckin decide who he fuckin wants to be with!  
  
  
Everyone cheers and claps.  
  
"So, fuckin Lance, tell me about the fuckin problem." said Jerry.  
  
"WAIT A FUCKIN SECOND HERE!!! Isn't this a fuckin Harry Potter fan fic?" said Ron.  
  
Everyone looks at him.  
"Maaaaaybe it fuckin is. Maaaaaybe it fuckin isn't." said Lance.  
"What the fuck Lance, it's in the fuckin Harry fuckin Potter section isn't it?" said Hermione.  
  
Ginny walks in. "I'm a fucking prostitute, open for business."  
  
  
Another round of group sex.....which brings us to one of my favourite quotes. "Lets go masturbate everyone! And come all over the place.......and make it smell bad." - myself. *Readers are proceeding to throw their computers out their windows.*  
Everyone gets back up.....  
  
"Oh my fucking god. It's Blink 182!" screamed Joey.  
  
"Oh my fucking god! Its Nsync!!!" said Bart Simpson.....who magically appeared there....  
  
"Fucking god, so fucking Nsync and fucking Bart Simpson are fucking here?" said Tom Delonge.  
"Fuck yeah, except Justin and JC. Justin killed JC then he flipped over and died." said Nsync.  
"Don't have a fucking cow man." said Bart.  
"Nsync, we fucking challenge you to a fucking music duel."  
Ron magically gets referree clothes on. I'm fuckin messed up people.  
Blink starts off. "So here's your holiday, I hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away, it was mine, so when you're dead and gone, will you remember this night, twenty years now lost, it's not (fuckin') right"  
Followed by Nsync. "I shot the (fuckin') sheriff, but I did not shoot the (fuckin') deputy."  
  
"Fucking hell, that was bad Nsync. You're fucking weird. Blink fucking wins." said Ron.  
The Jerry Springer audience cheers.  
"What the fuck? You fucking people are still fucking here? Fuck off already." said Harry  
Which triggers group sex with the whole audience, Blink, Nsync, and the usuals. Jerry jumps on top of a stuffed animal.   
"OH OH OH, THATS RIGHT FLUFFY! OH OH OH!" said Jerry  
Everyone gets back up. *Shakes his head* Sad.  
"What the fuck, those fucking handcuff's are fucking the fucking Whomping fuckin Willow! Fucking hell." said Hermione.  
Everyone drools and looks out the window. God.  
They go back to the table and talk again.  
Spongebob Squarepants walks in. "I fucked Gary everybody."  
Which triggers group sex. I'm twisted. 


End file.
